From within or not?

A day of utter despair. Mind buzzing with thoughts some beautiful, some haunting, and some depressing. Words playing games with me…. Words which once brought happiness to me, words which now sound all false, all lies coated with sugar.

The first ray of relief from these haunting thoughts was listening to the skanda shashti kavacham, a religious song about the hindu god karthikeyan by the soolamangalam sistas. This song sung by two old ladies with not so beautiful voices and lyrics that are written in a tamil that is long forgotten by most. The song with lyrics that literally go ri ri ri ri ri… moga moga moga moga….digu digu digu digu…. Dungudingukku. A song that sounds like a mixture of greek,latin and Icelandic.

So where does the happiness come from when I listen to this song? Is it because of the bhakti I hold for this god? Na I am not religious, does it stem from the meaning the lyrics impart nope not at all it sounds like the most weird mixture of unknown languages to me. So where does this feel good factor of the song emanate from?

Hmmm… I think it must be my own association of the song with childhood. Memories of my mom’s embrace. My sis on mummy’s lap and me on her back, mom rocking the two of us to the rhythmic beats of this song. Her sweet smell and her soft skin lolling me to sleep. Aaaaaaah wot an euphoric feeling even to be thinking about those beautiful days.

Wish I could rewind back to those days of blissful innocence in mom’s arms. Protected from all the world’s evil under her caring presence. Love u mom…. Miss u! Not only because I am a thousand miles away from u in BNE but because I have grown, grown farther from u and grown in age.

So, moral of the story it is from the within…. From deep within my heart, deep within my well of comforting thoughts.